Realistic Advice for Dealing with Insecurities

Counselor, is this, in your opinion?
Yes. In my opinion.

I’m hoping someone picked up on that The Good Wife reference.

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I think that so long as we live amongst other people, we will live with insecurities. I genuinely think that everyone lives with insecurities of some sort- despite popular belief that they are simply a hallmark of the teenage years. Insecurities can vary in type and intensity, and I think we as people are constantly dealing with them (some days more than others).

Usually, when you share your insecurities with other people, they’ll try to convince you that they simply aren’t true, or that you’re blowing them out of proportion. It’s very sweet, it always comes from a good place- and, unfortunately, it’s mostly not very helpful. For me at least, if I’m dealing with an insecurity, regardless of what it’s related to, trying to convince me otherwise doesn’t always help. And I don’t usually bring them forth to other people to try to convince me in the first place.

What helps is giving me a reality check.

My dad’s the best at this; when I’m worried about an exam, for example, and feel a lack of confidence in my abilities, he goes for the “what’s the worst that can happen?” scenario, and then puts it into perspective. “So you get a bad grade” “so you fail altogether” etc. etc. and showing that the worst case scenario, although unfavourable, is not life-shattering. What may seem like the end of the world today, quickly proves to be an annoying bump in the road tomorrow.  I think being reminded of this, and always keeping things in perspective, helps a lot. It’s so easy to get caught up in the moment.
Of course, this is ignoring the aftermath of getting a bad grade, when his “so what?” approach is quickly replaced by the “I’m disappointed” talk, haha.

In a different way, I think physical insecurities can also be handled differently. Whether we like it or not, there is a certain standard of beauty that is just generally (even if subconsciously) ingrained in most people. As a result, insecurities about physical appearances roam wild as a result from deviations from this standard. You get a bad haircut, you might feel insecure. You chipped a tooth, you might feel insecure. You have no time for makeup today? You might feel hella insecure. I could go on and on… but I won’t. The point is, you’re feeling insecure about something- despite how much your friends and family try to convince you otherwise, and even if it almost works? You go outside and you start to feel itchy and hot… and insecure.
The solution to this? Stay home, grab a blanket, and sit under it until whatever you’re dealing with disappears. If it won’t disappear? Stay there.

Pick your jaws up- I am obviously not being serious.

My actual suggestion? Keep things in perspective.

Whatever you’re freaking out about is being extremely distorted in your head. You’re made up of so much more than whatever negative physicality you’re focusing on, so focus on something else. This doesn’t just mean if your face isn’t looking your best, do up your hair, or focus on something else you’re confident about… sure, that could help, but what I think is more important is to focus on still being the person you want to be. Okay, that sounded really deep. It’s not that serious. What I mean is, don’t let the insecurity show on you. Don’t avoid everyone, and definitely don’t hide under a blanket. Focus on being nice, or smart, or generous,or all of the above? Or none of the above, if you don’t want to be nice. I don’t really know. I think my point is to focus on something else about yourself that you love or that you want to accomplish. Accept whatever you’ve got as whatever you’ve got, and realize that it can only define you as much as you allow it to.

I feel like this post kind of went all over the place, so I will say that my main message is to keep things in perspective. They are rarely that serious.

Also, I couldn’t post this past Sunday because I was travelling for most of the day. Sorry! (Mainly, to my past self for not honouring my commitment for this week- you saw it coming though.) Have a lovely rest of the week!

Idealism

Those cliche movies and self-help books that constantly advise you to “find your happy place” rarely tell you that this abstract place could be your own mind. In fact, it is much more common to encounter the notion that your mind is your “enemy”- which, let me say clearly; it very much can be- but your mind (the human mind in general) has proven to be a lot more complex than comprehensible, and thus naturally can be a place of many purposes (so it can be both). On nice days, my own mind serves to be a place of solace and sweet escape to reality. This is one of those days.
What I’ve been escaping to today has been extremely picturesque, and so, I will do my best to draw said picture for you.

A transparent and expandable creature, in a transparent and expandable bubble, looking into the world. The bubble bounces and floats from city to city, country to country, ocean to ocean. It enters different homes, different lives, and different worlds. It sees and feels everything and anything. Time doesn’t exist. It can choose to stay as long as it pleases; to leave immediately or not at all. It sees and feels everything and anything. It is recognized if it wants to be. It befriends who and what it wants to. It sees and feels everything and anything. Time doesn’t exist. It can choose to stay as long as it pleases; to leave immediately or not at all. It falls only in love. Plentifully and non-exclusively. Or, exclusively. It can choose to stay as long as it pleases; to leave immediately or not at all. It’s absence is not painful. It sees and feels everything and anything, or nothing at all. It’s idealism is reality.

NOT EVERYONE IS YOUR POTENTIAL SOULMATE

I wasn’t planning on writing about this, but today I came to a ground-breaking revelation that I felt needed to be shared, and so, here we are. The revelation is this: there really are a lot of people in the world. Yup. Pick up your phone, call your grandmother, tell her to have a seat, and tell her. She’s going to be shocked, incredulous, even.

I’m being completely serious. Yeah, we all (i hope) know that there are some 7 billion people in the world, but rarely do we really take in how big a number that actually is. And do you know what it took for me to even partially grasp the notion? Well, boys, of course.

This weekend I encountered/came across/online stalked (i’m kidding) a bunch of really great guys (i wasn’t kidding) and I basically didn’t even have time to even pick one to crush on.
I think I worded that extremely weirdly, but what I’m trying to say is that this weekend, I realized that there are a lot of really great guys out there. Be they really great for their looks, smarts, overall personalities, or all of the above! More importantly, I realized that you simply cannot succumb to the allure and distraction of every cute boy, regardless of how much your sneaky brain tries to convince you to. Your brain might trick you into thinking “oh this one is special” and get you to hyper-think and borderline obsess over the cute boy you shared a cute moment with (also known as a crush), but sometimes you have to just accept these as just the nice encounters that they are, and MOVE ON. Leave it up to fate to decide whether or not what is ultimately just a distraction will come to mean something in your life, and stay focused on the things you’re supposed to focus on.

Of course, I’m a hypocrite, so… *gets back to Facebook stalking*.

Happy 19 minutes past Sunday! (THIS STILL COUNTS AS SUNDAY!!)

PS: Expect more than just one post this week! Woo!

H

Sunday Update: Stress, time crunch, and online randomness

A shitty title. I know.

Monday was my birthday; my roommates got me a cake at 12 AM which was incredibly sweet, I did a bit of shopping, and some people came over. The rest of the day was class and studying.
Tuesday was a trip for my lab at a lake, more class, and more studying. The rest of the week followed a similar pattern.
Today (Sunday) was my brother’s birthday, and although I had a rough start (thank you, alarm, for not ringing) (… okay so maybe I turned it off half-consciously, but still) I managed to get him a cake and make him a birthday breakfast. The rest of the day involved studying (and not-so-much studying).

Hopefully this all pays off for my midterm this Wednesday. I’m extremely nervous. I hope I can build my confidence up by Wednesday. If not, I’m sure I could purchase some on Ebay…

I did a bit of reflection on some weirdness that’s been happening too, it’s led me to a question. What’s the reason behind people (I mean boys) randomly messaging a person (I mean me) just to say hi? And the more important question that arises, why is this not happening enough in real life? Ha.

First Impressions & Self Consciousness

Happy Sunday, also known as day before my birthday, day!

Sometimes, I break out in a small case of hives just by walking down a crowded hallway at school. (I’m getting a lot better with this, as you eventually realize that nobody gives a flying flip about you in a university hallway, but still.)
Other times, say if I were in a group of people who know each other but don’t know me, I keep my speaking and joking to a minimum and end up giving a worse first impression than I could.
Ah, the frustration.
If you too suffer from a mild (or not so mild) case of social anxiety, then keep reading, and let’s freak out together. Well, virtually.

A lot of the time I get called intimidating (which is extremely weird and slightly offensive) and this confuses me, a lot. How could my quiet demeanor and almost always absent-minded looking face ever be considered intimidating?
I’m intimidated (even though I don’t like to admit it) by those extremely confident, in your face types. People who do and say whatever they want and manage to look cool doing it? Yeah I’m gonna take a step back from those people- some space to you know, admire, envy… take notes… But I guess different people have different views of what intimidating is.
I think people see my non-bubbly exterior as closed-offish or uninterested, even though that is really not the intent. Most of the time at least.
This is especially a problem when it comes to mingling and making friends in extremely social situations; 9 times out of 10 I’m going to be in a group at the side of a party talking to one or two people- the tenth time I’m at home. And when I’m with one or two people, even if I don’t know them, and even if they already know each other, I’m absolutely fine. It’s like a different person takes over- a confident and even outgoing one. EVEN IF I THINK THEY’RE EXTREMELY HOT.

I think it’s a control thing. Control gives confidence, and so I think when it’s a smaller number of people I feel more in control, and hence more confident… I’m pretty sure this is the case because I have no problem speaking to and in larger groups when, let’s say, I’m the head of a club or discussion, and I have some sort of blatant control. But put me in a more vulnerable setting and it shows.

Since I’ve just convinced myself that it’s a control thing, here’s how I’m gonna work on it. I’ll flip it around. I’ll try to keep in mind the person who I want to be, and focus on being that person, and being in control of who I am. That either sounds extremely dramatic or makes absolutely no sense. Oh well.

Time to take over the world!

H

It’s Happening!

I’m back!
I’m making a comeback! 
I’m attempting to make a comeback!

I’M BACK.

Well, not just yet, but pretty much.

That’s right! My hiatus has come to an end, and I am planning on getting into a regular posting schedule. *crowd cheers* Tell your friends! Seriously, tell them.

The plan is for new topic based pieces on Sundays, and life updates on a random day during the week, depending on what I’m up to. I want to keep at a regular schedule, which will be challenging to balance with my course load this year, but that’s the point I think.
I’m going to try to include more pictures and more personal bits as well.

Also, a revamp of my blog’s look (makeover time!) is to come as well, thanks to my extremely talented best friend. *Sending hugs to Ireland*

There’s a lot to come! Get pumped.

H.

Update

I haven’t posted in over a month. I’m not going to get back into regular posting without making some sort of change, because you can’t do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. So, a change is coming, and it’s gonna be good. Big thanks to everyone who was followed and read what I’ve written so far, and I will be back soon! 

How to be a First Grader

In a short period of three hours, one of my kids at work went from asking me to help him paint a cloud to threatening that he would “body” me. Three hours. He’s 6, and I always forget it. 

This incident, among many, has left me having to consciously remind myself that these kids are just kids. They’ve shielded themselves with this hard coated, protective exterior to face the world the way they think that they have to. I mean it’s probably due to the influences of older siblings, cousins, maybe even parents, who have probably needed to use these covers to deal with the occurrences of their own lives, and them just mimicking what they see- but I just wish they realized that they don’t have to. 

It worries me, more than anything. If at age 6 a kid’s personality is already molded into a far from ideal example, what’s 10 gonna look like?

 

 

 

Link of the day

http://www.buzzfeed.com/zelhaj/the-16-struggles-of-being-best-friends-with-a-know-rjpo

Nooses Out Of Vines (Where I’m from)

Some make nooses out of vines,
where I’m from,
blades out of beaks out of birds that have died.
Some make homes out of dirt, 
where I’m from,
dress in rags, no shirts, or pricey bright ties.
Some make life out of hell, 
where I’m from,
and use the heat from the stress to BBQ through the night.
Some make love out of foes, 
where I’m from,
men that all know where the gentleman dies.
Some make light out of sparks,
where I’m from, 
and shine in the night like the stars in the sky.
They make uses out of hurt,
where I’m from.

This is one of my favourites. I found it years ago on a tumblr blog called someonesambition.tumblr.com, and now it’s completely disappeared. The blog doesn’t even exist anymore. I wish it did so I could tell the writer how great it is, but I’m sure he/she knows.